Eyes Turned Skyward

I was proud of myself: not a tear shed for your departure. But it’s sinking in that I won’t see you. I miss you already and it has barely been 6 hours.

I don’t like this version of me. I need home. I need to figure things out.

This was not what I expected. I thought it would be so much… more…better? I don’t know, just not this.

Because that’s what I do

I’m home this weekend. I needed to get away. I needed to get away from the sadness and the familiar places made so much different without you. I needed a few days where I didn’t have to run into you or worry that I’d see you and not know what to do. I needed a few days away from the letters and the faces that I’ll always associate with you. Because it’s hard some days. I miss you too much. And I miss home. I never used to. But without you, I really have no desire to be at school as much. I told you. I miss you, not the places. But even home isn’t as comforting as I had hoped. There’s still a palpable absence here without my beautiful golden. I miss him too. But I had to get away from there, from those days without you. Because even when I’m surrounded by friends I can’t help but feel your absence. So I went home. And maybe I’m also banking on that slim chance that we’ll be together again soon, that by next weekend this will all be over. So I’m home now, hoping to see you soon.